a good friend in Christ has started to write a blog and her first entry has struck a chord with me cuz it am also in a similar place. check it out....

http://thewonings.wordpress.com/

below is how i commented to her posting. i was so moved by this and comforted in a way cuz i am not the only one going through a similar thing in my life. i believe that this is a place of purification where many in the Body of Christ are right now. the only difference or similarity is that they don't recognize the guidance of the Lord to come into greater communion and fellowship with the Man Jesus or they know they are being drawn in but are in totally denial of the move of God and therefore being lead astray by sin. I believe this is where many are cuz Father is set to have a pure bride to present to His Son, our Bridegroom Jesus! He will have His way. Jesus is jealous for our love and devotion.

a wise mother in the faith recently said 'it is better to lean on the sword than the sword lean on you.'

my reply to the blog:

yeah i hear you sister. i have very recently been confronted with my own sinful nature of pride and selfishness. i should have known that the Lord would answer my prayers of "God i want to be holy and pure. make me a fire starter in my community. whatever it takes and whatever brings your name glory Jesus!' yeah those kinda prayers are DANGEROUS!!! to our flesh. therefore i have been brought into this place by kindness and love to go deeper in purity and holiness. this is a total lifestyle change even for me now! i tell you, where i thought i was pure and holy i have been alerted that it is filthy rags before the Lord! He is my one desire and i am longing to be one who ascends the hill of the Lord Ps 24. i know that i am not just beating air but that this will eventually prove to be the Glory of God revealed on the earth. Thank the Lord for Holy Spirit with us...i certainly could use more comfort and help in this endeavor.

“The First Commandment must be first in our lives or we live in boredom and are vulnerable to Satan. The human heart does not work properly in half-heatedness. It will be passive and therefore vulnerable to many destructive lusts. To be emotionally whole, we must live wholeheartedly. Some counseling ministries in the Church fall into deception as they attempt to help people find emotional wholeness without insisting that their clients live in wholeheartedness with God. Wholeheartedness is necessary for our emotional health. Many believers try to find security and happiness in the grace of God without being abandoned to God. They look for a way to make grace reinforce their carnal lifestyles.” M. Bickle

This is a clear statement that explains how my life, and many others, can be if we take our focus off of the Glorious Man! I have even recently experienced this and I am easily taken by this deception if I don’t fix my gaze upon the Prince of Peace.

On Thanksgiving I found myself coming down with sickness and early winter down heartedness. It was gruesome. I noticed it and declared life over my body and spirit. Sickness came but my emotions stayed focused on the Lord. Due to sickness I was laid up in my bed for long hours in the day and night. I was not encountering the Lord and my mind was wondering on to different roads of weariness and wonder. I was over taken with many “what if” thoughts. Soon because I was physically and emotionally weak I was overcome for a few hours during the afternoon. I had opened my imagination up to thoughts and entertainment in the moment of weakness that took me into a dim place away from His presence where I have been literally dwelling day and night for the past month easy. I have been in a place of great awakening in my heart and spirit. Walking in greater wisdom and revelation of Jesus. Communing with the Holy Spirit. Being tender to His infilling and the new wine. Gaining insight of the living and active word. And BOOM!!!!!!!!! One moment of weakness and it is like climbing a mountain to come back into this place of great grace. It is very, very important that we as believers keep the ‘first thing first’…JESUS!

Humor me for a moment. One of my greatest teachers and leaders, Kip Gains, from the YWAM Tyler base gave us a visual illustration during our training school to help us understand what it is like to have Jesus as our focus and not to worry about the things and situations around us.

Hold your arm straight out in front of you and stick your pointer finger up into the air. Look beyond and all around your finger.. what do you see? Your focus is on the things around you and they are big and in detail. Say that those things you are viewing are the worries and anxious thoughts. Say they are the lesser lovers that they and steal the divine intimacy that we are meant to be having with our Beloved Bridegroom. Now, put your focus on your finger (a representation of Jesus). There is detail, right? All the ‘lesser things’ become very dim and small. Instantly you can see your finger (JESUS) clearly!!! This is how we are to live. Focused on one thing, on one Man…Jesus! This breeds LIBERTY my friends. Instant clarity of vision of our human hearts desire.

I had to remind myself (for me this usually takes place with very loud praying in tongues and yells and groans, it might look different for you) that I am a daughter and an heir to the throne. That the devil is a LIAR and he wants me dead (spiritually and physically!)!!!!! But God is LIFE AND TRUTH!!!! So I worship my way up the mountain of myrrh. Song of Solomon 4:6

There is one other thing I want to touch on from this thought and revelation. Earlier I stated ‘I had opened my imagination up to thoughts and entertainment in the moment of weakness that took me into a dim place away from His presence…’ this is so crucial to us!!!!! We MUST stay in a constant place of violent holiness and purity. The age we live in is dark and swallowing up our generation on the earth. You have heard it before….’garbage in garbage out’. This is true! I watched a tv show that opened my imagination and emotions up. I know that everyone has different sensitivity levels but why even push those boundaries? Come on! I am encouraging you and myself to raise the bar of purity. To not even flirt with different lines of movies, music, tv or internet sites. If for no other reason that He is better than all of that and worthy of a pure dwelling place within us.

The lesson learned: keep my gaze on Jesus and I will not get bored and run to other less than fascinating pleasures of the earth. He will be exalted in me and through me!

I was made for encounter.

You were made for encounter!

Not sure why I put this picture here but here I am...

“This is not for the faint of heart”

I woke up this afternoon and I heard the Lord speak and quicken this to me. I feel it was edification to my life from my Lord. That He was speaking to me that I am not faint of heart. That what He has called me into in this life He has prepared me with all that is needed to live in fullness. That He sees me as ready for more. I got this sense that He is proud of me and I am ready for more. That He has called me into a greater degree of consecration that not many are called into.

A song/poem/words I wrote back in August.

The Holy Spirit...

Power rushing through my bones to my inner most being.

A heavenly sensation fills my body that I have yet had anything to compare to.

Not keeping anything back from me,

I am filled with the fullness of wisdom and revelation in an instant.

With eyes closed I sense Him moving in and out and all around me.

HAHAHA!!!! WHOA!!!

I can’t keep it in me, laughter and freedom fill my body.

Intoxication sets in and He is real once again.

And I receive and release freedom and rejoicing.

How great are You, Comforter and Helper!!!

You come at the right time.

You are with me every moment of everyday.

I am forever thankful for Your presence.

He comforts my soul in the darkest of nights.

He brings clarity to my disarray.

He bridges the gap in my own mind to the throne of the Living God.

He releases the goodness of God in to my soul.

How did I make it so many years in ignorance without Him.

I lean into Him for understanding every day.

I have found that I cannot go one day without this great communion.

There is always more.

This is the place of joy.

In His presence is the fullness of joy….forever more!

So I drink from the rivers of delight and swim in the comfort of your love.

Where the waters rush from Your very throne out of Your sanctuary.

I am at IHOP KC at the revival out pouring! It is crazy good! Power and love mix in the melting pot of his passion for His sons and daughters! It is real. He love is real.

When I was an hour out of the city Sue texted me and asked if I saw Brooke Amabile give a testimony. I hadn’t. Sue said she got up and told the people that she felt the river and the power and the intoxicating love of the Father for the first time. She was drunk!!!! I love this!!!!

Allen Hood started speaking about marriage and I don’t really remember what he said but it was all about healing to the hear at mind and spirit to those who doubted and had accusation come against them from the enemy that they would never get married or wasn’t good enough or pretty enough. I knew this was for me. So I received from the Lord and new correct perspective on this desire for marriage. He has marriage for me…especially with Him!!!!! There is more.

Later in the meeting Allen asked for all those who came from afar or just wanted some healing or a touch to come up to the front and stand on the lines. So I went to stand and I was gonna stand on the 2^nd line but God reminded me that I am not number 2. Hahaha. So I moved up to the 1^st line. A guy came up and asked if He could pray for me. I said yes. (everyone that prayed for me asked first!!!!) he started praying for encounter and that the word of God would become more alive and I would get greater understanding of it. Then he prayed BOLDNESS over me!!!! And he asked the Lord for a picture and he saw a pop(coke) can in the Lords hand and He was shaking it. I was the pop can. The Lord was shaking it and He opened it and everything spewed out. It was uncontainable!!!! He then prayed that all my foundations would be shaken and all my beliefs that dont line up with the word of God. It was really good.

A girl named wendy (From Illinois) came to me and she prayed the New Wine over and over and over me. Encounter. Fire. More. BOLDNESS!! Courage. THAT I WOULD TAKE THIS BACK TO SPRINGFIELD. She prayed for healing in my back. And I eventually fell out!!! I laid there for a while getting encountered with the Love of God. It was amazing. I then sat up and stood up and put the covering on the stage. And I just stood there in the crowd.

Then Mike Bickle came and prayed for me. FIRE AND GLORY!!!!! MORE FIRE AND GLORY. He barley touched my forehead and power was rushing into my spirit. I fell out again! that time I stayed down for a while again just delighting in His love.

Then I stood up and worshiped and a young girl about 10yrs old came and touched my arm and I was kinda shaking. Then shelly came over and prayed oil of joy and power and fire and BOLDNESS in to me and I began to shake uncontrollably and again ended up on the ground. So I decided to stay there for a long time cuz that’s apparently where He wanted me to be. Haha.

When I eventually got up I went over to doug and Elizabeth and we got trashed in the Holy Ghost!!!! For a long time!!!! Finally left FSM just after midnight.

well, another day has gone by. it was a rather short day for me. i didn't get out of my apartment till after 4 due to my new schedule on night watch. i am encountering the good love of the Lord in ways that i haven't known for years and many new ones as well. it truly is an exciting time of life i am in. there is a ton of grace on me right now for increased measures of encounter and Holy Spirit. He is being so good to me. a very close friend said to me recently that she has the best life in the world, well at this moment i would firmly suggest that mine is truly AMAZING!!!! i am falling in love with my Bridegroom and He is in love with me. He is guiding tenderly to the secret place of the wilderness where He speaks kindly to me.

Hosea 2:14-16...¹⁴"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,Bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her. ¹⁵"Then I will give her her vineyards from there, And the valley of Achor as a door of hope And she will sing there as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt. ¹⁶"It will come about in that day," declares the LORD, "That you will call Me Ishi (Husband) And will no longer call Me Baali (Master)." (Italics are mine)

it is a new season of love and power!!!! the best thing about it is that there is ALWAYS more!!!! more love, wisdom, understanding, revelations, intoxication, fire, glory etc. the list goes on and on and on. He is alive and and full of grace. His faithfulness to my heart is out of control. even in the midst of trials and toils in my life there is no where else i would rather be than gazing on the beauty of this Man, Jesus Christ!

2 Corinthians 4:6 "For God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who as shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."

i have been meditating on John 17. i encourage you to read this passage. the goal is to be one with the Father and Jesus!!!! that we may see His glory! COME ON!!! we can even now see the glory of Jesus! on the earth! this is power! that is my goal...to see the glory and the face of Jesus. to gaze upon His beauty day and night. to manifest His love and presence every minute of every hour that i am alive in my mortal body. i want to KNOW Him as a husband knows his wife. to truly know the Man. this is way i waste my life like an alabaster jar pouring forth costly perfume on to my Savior.

John 17:24 "Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.

and even still there is so much more...

Let the Light Stream In

“The light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:6

Hymns Supplied Through the Gracious Generosity
of the Cyber Hymnal Website

Information about Cyber Hymnal Website

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Words: Frances Jane (Fanny) Crosby, in Radiant Songs, edited by John R. Sweney and William J. Kirkpatrick and H. L. Gilmour (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: John J. Hood, 1891). Music: William James Kirkpatrick Play MIDI Link to obtain musical score info

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O, let the light stream in,
The glorious light of day,
That o’er the face of nature sheds
A bright and genial ray;
We need its beams our steps to guide,
Ere daily toils begin,
Then open wide the door of prayer,
And let the light stream in.
Let the light stream in,
Let the light stream in,
Then open wide the door of prayer,
And let the light stream in.

O, let the light stream in,
The light of Gospel day,
That shineth through the righteousness
Of Christ, the Truth, the Way;
’Twill teach us how by faith in Him
Immortal souls to win,
Then open wide our willing hearts,
And let the light stream in.
Let the light stream in,
Let the light stream in,
Then open wide our willing hearts,
And let the light stream in.

O, let the light stream in
Where homes are dark and drear,
The light of God’s eternal love,
That conquers every fear;
Its gentle smile new joys may wake,
Where sorrow long hath been,
Then open wide the door of hope,
And let the light shine in.
Let the light stream in,
Let the light stream in,
Then open wide the door of hope,
And let the light stream in.

A little something I wrote this past August after a life changing encounter with the Living God! He is Real and Alive!!

Coming out of hiding

A fire brews inside.
Uncontained love moving like stars in the night.

You bring me into the newness of all that You are.
Never truly believing.
Doubting and comparing.
I have run from Your Established Truth.

Your word, like a rock and a light to my path,
I have kept covered in fear of what I might truly see beyond the veil of my own existence.

Fear stole my heart from its rhythm.
Fear of the call, of wanting the call, of being the call,
of sounding the call, of failing the call.

But in Your goodness, You are to good to let this be in me.

The veil is pulled back.
I can see the technicolor of covenant arching over me.
Greens, blues, purples, reds, oranges, yellows
The rainbow of Your promise stands strong.

Now what?
Hide my tear filled face from You?

NO! I can't! I won't!
These tears are freedom and joy!
Life to my spirit and refreshing to my bones.

And with everlasting breath I shout...I AM ALIVE!!!!

And again, Your voice thundering in my soul, You call my name and again I arise.

The fear is gone.
Identity sets in.

Who am I apart from You?
For my strength and redemption are prostrate before You.

You are my source.
On Your word I meditate day and night. I take delight...
On Your Word.

So speak... even now for your child is listening.